although it's not possibly real, nethertheless, I seem to be still alive and almost well...hmm

46R size now

I decided I need two new suits and my parents suggested a place in NJ to buy them on super sale.
I think it was called Monmouth Mall.  The gas is so much cheaper there.  I bought three suits: very nice, need alterations, but the price was excellent.  Came with free shirts and ties.  I ate great eggplant sub at Roman Delight Pizza at the mall.  We had coffee in coffee shop, checked out Lord and Taylor but did not find any good deals.  Max (the dog) got haircut and wash in Brooklyn.  Weather was hot.  More than 92 degrees. It appears a slight drizzle is coming down now, hours later.  Tomorrow I am planing to take the suits to McDonald Avenue laundromat to fix the length of pants.  My circumference is larger than allowed by the size of my legs: they are too short for it.  The Red Faction: Guerrilla has the same problem as previous game: the character walks too slow, runs slow, makes any movement too slow.  It's hard to believe both of packaged games have the same bug....must be the fact that my computer is not up to day.  I downloaded a patch, doubt it will work... But I will try.  We went on flee market at NJ: couldn't find anything good among PC games.  I still don't want to buy any Playstation Xbox etc like device.  I like to keep my TV on permanent "off" position. 

Tomorrow is Suit buying day

Almost got to the end chapter of Dark Sector and decided not to finish.
Saw the ending on YouTube.  Installed Bionic Commander: the main character runs with a speed of snail.  Can't play like that, everything is slo-mo.  Downloaded patch - did not change anything.  What's the point of buying computer games if every 2nd game is malfunctioning straight from the box with all specifications met?!  Might as well download on pirated sites, they have the same ratio...
Anyway, installing Red Faction: Guerrila right now... We'll see...

peacefulness

It is hot outside, however, it is rather cool in my head and in my body...MMMMM...gimmi some heat, a?

no topic, no thoughts

Dark Sector turned out to be more decent in excitement area than previous games.  I actually enjoyed playing, at least first 4 chapters...so far.  It's also third-person game, just like Damnation, however, controls are excellent and weapon use is much better than Damnation.  If they would redo that, could be a better game.  The main character throws metal triskelion that comes back to his hand like boomerang.  Very cute.

Visited my grandmother...met with parents...Routine...
Weather was hot.  I had a great morning - not the usual "I feel like shit, got sucked all night", no, something different...must be some happy pills injection from the higher powers...Don't know what I did to deserve it... Maybe I can get 7-8 hours of sleep tonight??

Jibberish comes to mind...Empty thoughts...

As it was predicted, I called my parents and they decided to go out to celebrate Father's Day.  Not sure where they will go, but most likely to some restaurant on Emmons Avenue. 
I still didn't try DarkSector even though the game is installed.  I spend time on MFC site...not sure why...nothing that I want...  doesn't really excite me, I keep faking it...maybe it will work?
I think I am really satisfied being alone and scared that it would ever change.  I really like being alone.  I really don't want anyone in my life.  It's full as it is.

The drainage continues.  Just like recession and escalation of wars.  Who's to blame is hard to guess.  I guess I'll never know.
That's not that important after all.  What's important is will I be able to buy smokes online with the new bills passing... I made a funny picture online: It's called "Me and World Government".  I like it because I have a lot of hair in this collage.  Not like it is in real life.  I don't have breast in real life either, but it doesn't prevent me from being a Milking Cow...  Which is also alright.  I got used to it.  It won't change until I die.  It's understood.  That's just my life's burden and I have to carry on with it...

Father's Day coming up...

We will probably go out to eat: my parents and myself to celebrate Father's Day.  Cleaning lady wasn't arranged for yet.  I found out that Max Payne 3 release was pushed back, as well as other games I liked.  To have something to do, I purchased older games on sale: Mercenaries 2, Dark Sector and Damnation.  Played two of them a little bit so far, hoping that third one will be better.  Otherwise, I will play skirmish in Settlers 7 or just rerun old game Movies...  I ordered some other cheap, on-sale games today: Red Faction: Guerrilla war and Bionic Arm (or something like that).  I really hope Red Faction will be as good as the previous one, with pile drivers.

Three more people today noticed that I gained weight...

I gained 4 pounds. I now weight 224lb.  That is a lot for me.  I need to lose weight.
I think I will stop eating bread.  I already switched from pasta to rice.
I need to stop eating out.  I need to be thinner.  There could be another Holocaust coming judging by the news.

It is boring.  The whole situation is a mess...  Everything is so obvious...  I do not think burning few nuts in power will change anything - it will not make them honest workers, they will steal anyway...  And it appears there is not much more they can "legally" steal...  World is going through another Great Depression...  I must research FDR biography, find out how he managed to get out of crisis.  But I think I understand: by building another pyramid.  It appears that everything build on Earth throughout time is a Pyramid....

I must let myself go...  Meaning, mentally.  I must be ready to seek out new future.  It is doubtful any normal future could transpire in this realm....Things will just deteriorate significantly within time...  This world seems to be dying from overexposure, overuse of resources and just plain lack of responsibilities of leadership.  I was wondering what happens after death.  Do I move on to the world I see in dreams?  I see different worlds...  Not many are better...  I am not sure I would want to look forward towards dieing.  But anyway, nobody gets out of this life alive, as far as we know.  Death is eminent.  It is its timing that is unknown.  Understanding this does not really help my dieting plan.  It does not make me feel that gaining or losing few pounds really matters...  I must find another psychological approach to resolve the issue of my growing stomach...

On the dock of the bay, I guess...

Metro 2033 refuses to play.  Trying to reinstall for the last time...  It's 2:04am, Friday morning, I just finished eating pickles wrapped in soy cheese slices... I got nothing to say, really.  Nothing to write.  No messages to self, no feelings, no emotions.  Just chilling...wasting time.  Maybe I will get sleepy for few hours before work?  I don't really care...  It's definitely not depression though...something else...something is changing... I don't really care what... 

SICK DAY

DUE TO HEALTH CONCERNS I TOOK A SICK DAY OFF.
I am not as young as before and need to worry about my health now over things that just few years ago I wouldn't regard as significant.  As I am aging, quite rapidly internally as I feel due to conditions created for me, I find that rebalancing and recovering my optimum health is not as easy as before.  I suppose I am slowly dying, yet I am able to tolerate it with dignity and nonchalance, as an expected result from prolonged legalized concentration camp for the entertainment and prosperity of humanity.  It was fun living and I doubt I will miss it when my time comes.  However, I am determined not to rush it.  Cheers!
P.S. Whoever fixed my toothache: you did a lousy job, I still feel the scratching and shaking of teeth, it's just numbed ...  but THANKS!  Better than nothing...

I guess I am more of a gamer than a player

I couldn't play Metro 2033 at all.  It wasn't a pirated copy and all qualifications seem to fit.  I tried several times, more than that, nothing works.  It's not great, because game is similar to my favorite genre of S.T.A.L.K.E.R.
After coming from grandmother's apartment, I decided to go to banya (sauna).  Russian Baths on Gravesend Road opened a new large steam room (huge) for males only.  The general admission price was lowered to 25 dollars for the summer.  They no longer serve black tea, however.  I should shave.  The weather outside is very windy, as if there may be storm in the night later on.  I found parking spot really fast - that's unusual.  I was so bored without games I replayed some levels of Light of Altair.  Maybe I will play it some more later.

puzzled by enlightenment....

There is a glitch in loading system in Chronicles of Riddick.  I downloaded a patch, but it did not help.  I can't play beyond certain level.  I finally gave up.  Started playing Attack on Dark Athena with Riddick.  Game is good, but controls are awful.  I decided not to forget that gaming is all about having fun and relaxing brain - so I quit that game, just like I did not finish the Settlers 7: because winning victory points does not allow to just chill, take your time to enjoy game, like in Settlers 6.  Great game, too fast paced though.

I have installed Metro 2033 tonight.  It works through STEAM engine.  Actually, it's 2:22am and it just recently downloaded, so I will start playing it tomorrow.  Hopefully, it will work... Can't ask for more... Games are getting better, but ... less enjoyable... with exception of Fallout 3, of course.
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This picture represents Oneness. 
I found it on the web.  Good picture, smart.
The only problem with Oneness is that it always misses the One.  So, it will all come to one pair, than one....and it will be the wrong one... the bad one... and definitely not me...and then?  What's the point for wholeness then, if nothing is to be done?  Doesn't make sense.  But I am sure that Max Payne 3, when it will come out, will be as good as previous Max Payne game.  We can only hope. 

no news is good news?

Started playing Riddick.  Mouse control should be adjusted....
Tried Fallout Trilogy = ancient, no fun at all.  More of a relic.
Metro 2033 still unopened, until done with CHRONICLES...
Should get a haircut today...Must get shirts to laundromat tomorrow. 
Espresso: Italian Espresso, well-grinded.  Have Turkish and Dunkin Donut on standby.  Use soy milk...now with chocolate.  Veggie Slices cheese - yummm.  Enjoying Tarragon drinks...but should really buy mango juice...

Personal note:  voice of Riddick sounds like voice of Obama.... 

JUNE 1, 2010.

Something is changed since early am.
Do not recall the dreams.
Take a note...what is it?